Self-Publishing: A Truly Humbling Experiene

Okay, here we go. I'm about to spill the tea on my self-publishing journey. Spoiler alert: it's been a hot mess.

So, there I was, thinking I'd conquered Everest by finishing my book. I thought the hard part was over. Then I figured if I wanted this book to see the light of day, I'd have to...market it. Get my face out there.

First up: social media. As someone who's more comfortable discussing quantum entanglement than crafting the perfect Instagram post, building a social media presence has been... interesting. I spent hours agonizing over my first tweet, only to realize I'd used so many hashtags it looked like I was trying to communicate in code. #AuthorLife #AmWriting #PleaseSomeoneTellMeWhatImDoing

Then there's the constant battle with imposter syndrome. Every time I post about my book, a little voice in my head whispers, "Who do you think you are, Stephen King?" I've had to learn to quiet that voice, usually by reminding it that even Stephen King had to start somewhere.

But the real fun began when I tried to upload my book to KDP. I've spent months perfecting my manuscript, I'm finally ready to upload it, and... I somehow manage to delete the first two chapters. How, you ask? I still have no idea. One minute they were there, the next - poof! Gone. And did I notice before submitting? Of course not! It wasn't until I downloaded the preview that I realized my book now started with Chapter 3. Cue panic attack.

But wait, there's more! In my enthusiasm to join the author community online, I went on a following spree. Result? Both my Instagram and Threads accounts got banned. Twice.

The first ban was frustrating. The second? I laughed so hard I snorted coffee through my nose. Not my finest moment, but hey, at least I was caffeinated for the ensuing panic attack.

Through all this, I've learned some valuable lessons:

1. Always check your manuscript. Then check it again. Then sacrifice a goat to the publishing gods, just to be safe.
2. Social media is a fickle beast that feeds on the tears of eager newbies.
3. It's okay to ugly-cry into a pint of ice cream. Just maybe don't livestream it.
4. The writing community is full of amazing people who will hold your hand through your fifteenth existential crisis of the day.

So, to all my fellow nerdy authors out there: if you see me at a writing conference, wearing my "I survived self-publishing and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" shirt, come say hi. We can swap war stories and commiserate over our shared PTSD from trying to figure out Amazon's royalty reports.